Article by Jared Akers

As a recovering alcoholic, each day I learn more about alcoholism treatment. I have discovered that healing the relationship with myself is my treatment for alcoholism. A few years ago when I only had a couple months sober, I was standing outside an AA central office talking with my sponsor and another gentlemen who had many years of sobriety. The gentlemen said, “Recovery is all about being OK with yourself.” The longer I’m sober and work on my recovery, the more I realize how true this is. Not just for a recovering alcoholic, but for most people.

After looking back, I realize my entire life was spent comparing myself to others. I would see myself through other people’s eyes, trying to be what I thought people viewed as successful and popular. I was always the life of the party and full of cheer and good times. At least that’s what it looked like on the outside. I thought if I looked good on the outside, I must be good on the inside. Maybe this sounds confusing, that’s OK, it was for me also.

Not until several years into my recovery have I realized that I didn’t like myself all that much. It is easy to see now that if I had liked who I was, I would not have treated myself the way I did. Self-deprecating thoughts and depressive behavior was normal for me most of my life. Mind you, I did not realize this until years of recovery. Like I said, I had what I felt like in the inside confused with what I thought people saw on the outside.

So is low self-esteem what caused my alcoholism? I don’t think so, but it surely did not help it much. I started drinking at an early age, before high school. As a result, I never truly learned how to deal with emotions in a healthy way. I had an alcohol abuse counselor tell me one time that alcoholism is a disease of the emotions. I believe that to be true. I simply did not know how to deal with emotions. Although I did not realize I was drinking to numb the uncomfortable emotions, this is something I didn’t realize until years later. Drinking was just something I had done so often for so long, the natural side effect was that I never truly felt emotions. And when I did start to feel them, naturally I would drink more.

Once I surrendered and asked for help, after years of trying to stay sober on my own, I’ve learned how to have a healthy relationship with myself. I’ve healed the hurt individual inside who I was fighting against for years. I’ve stopped comparing my insides to other peoples outsides and am just happy to be the best me I can be.

I heard someone say recently that inner-peace is finding how to “accept the consequences of being myself.” I treat my alcoholism today by healing the relationship with my own soul. I’m kind to myself today and love who I am.

About the Author

Jared writes for About Alcoholism Treatment and has a personal blog on spiritual growth at Spiritual Zen.

Tagged with: Alcoholism • Healing • treatment

Filed under: Treating Alcoholism

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